Viridian Note 00389: Beyond the Beyond Blog
Bruce Sterling [email@example.com]
- Key concepts:
- blogging, Wired Magazine
- Attention Conservation Notice:
- yet more about
the Pope-Emperor's non-Viridian activities; involves
weblogs, notoriously an effort in which other
people have to do all the work.
(((It might seem that I've had little to do
with environmental activities lately, but I was
busily attending the "Eternally Yours" conference
in Eindhoven and the latest AIGA conference in
Vancouver. Two stellar events, as green-design
gigs go. I learned a lot. Someday I'll tell you
all about it. If I can make the time, that is.)))
(((This AIGA gig was particularly and relentlessly
Green, right down to the recyclable lanyard badges
and recycled, chlorine-free paper. Maybe it was
because AIGA was held outside the USA this year,
but most every American graphics pundit who
took the stage seemed to have something angry,
ashamed and bitter to say about the Bush Administration.
Mind you, these are sweet, mild-mannered graphic-artsy
people who in happier circumstances should have been
talking about, I dunno, serifs or something. I wasn't surprised to see some of this
sentiment, but the universality of it was a little unnerving, frankly.)))
(((In the meantime, I have gone and started a new daily
(((I'm busily working on a "Beyond the Beyond" Frequently
Asked Questions list, too. Because (thanks to the
fact that my weblog is associated with a major
magazine) quite a lot of "Beyond the Beyond" fanmail
is already showing up in my emailbox! Wow!
(((My new blog's FAQ not quite ready for prime-time yet,
though, so I thought I might share it with Viridian List
THE "BEYOND THE BEYOND" FAQ (pre-release alpha)
You fucking cyberpunk dilettante! Call yourself
a blogger? Where's the RSS feed? Every blog
that matters has an RSS feed! You suck!
Yeah? Up yours!
I perceive that there is no commentary allowed on your
blog. This is an outrage and an affront against the spirit
that made the Internet what it is today. You do make some
mildly interesting points, but your pathetic, half-
educated drivel cannot survive in the online world
without my magisterial addenda. When will you put
this to rights?
Do you get paid for doing this? Really? This?
You're kidding me.
Let me get this straight. You and your, uh,
employers, you and them somehow expect me to actually
log on to your stupid website? Where's the RSS?
I'd explain to you what "RSS" means, but I'm busy having
my lunch homogenized so that I can inject it
straight into my arteries.
Do I look like I own Lycos and Tripod? Wise up!
Hey wait a minute. This is some kind of Tripod or
Lycos software you're using, right? Why don't you build
your own blog from scratch, like a real blogger? Maybe
you can build something cool that blows up so big and
badly that Google buys you out.
I've got an even better idea. You can build it, and
give it to me, and then pay me to write on it. And, while you're at it, where's the
RSS? Be real sure that RSS feed doesn't blow up the custom template, okay?
I know a lot about web design. You suck. Shall I
explain to you how to make that blog of yours look
tidier and more professional, like a real magazine?
I already write for a real magazine! See that
"subscribe" button right there in the margin of my blog?
Subscribe to the real magazine, log off and read it!
Oh my God in Heaven! You've got EMOTICONS in your
blog! Horrible little dot-gif emoticons! The ultimate in
cutesy kitsch online trash! Have you gone completely
Aw c'mon, they're sitting right here in my Control
Panel. I bet you don't even have a Control Panel
on your blog. Wait till I show you my tiny brown teddy
These seem to be some pretty interesting websites
you've discovered, but you don't say much about them.
At least, not enough to suit me. You should work harder.
Can't you explain them a lot more thoroughly? I'm getting
kind of confused.
I'm a novelist! You want a lot of words in a row?
Buy one of my novels! What do you need here,
an Amazon button? Get a grip!
Why don't you arrange all your links so they open
in a fresh page? I like my desktop nice and cluttered.
Clutter your own damn desktop! And be glad you've
got any links!
Are you aware that your graphics are distorting
the margins of your webpage?
Be glad you've got any graphics!
Hey dude, those naked Iranian chicks are so hot!
Got any more of those? Wow!
Those women are not Iranian. It's the photographer
who is Iranian. And she's not even Iranian, she's
an emigre, even if she is the Shah's niece. Also,
they're not really that hot.
Hey dude, that cute Turkish pop-singer is super, super-
hot! Where'd you hide the "Turkish Pop Nude Celebrity"
site? There must be one, right? There must be ten!
Fella, there are hundreds of cute Turkish pop-
This is some kinda weblog! I am loving your "Hot
Chicks of the Tragic 21st Century Moslem Self-Immolation"
theme! Yeah man! Will it all be like this?